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Monday, March 8, 2010

Beautiful Disaster

Finally, this weekend i get to have fun like i have been wanting to for however long it's been. This weekend i get to do whatever i want and not worry about any consequences because it's my life. I think that everyone deserves to have one week a month that is completely theirs. It seems to me that nowadays people aren't thinking nearly enough about themselves and having fun. So here's your freeby, do what you want this weekend. Seriously, i am going to drink and party and just have a fun time, the kind of fun that is only reachable when you are with friends who care about you enough to allow you to make a fool of yourself.
Here's some good luck to anyone who needs it, have all the luck you want from me. My luck is not needed over the next few days, the only day that i really need it is on friday, hopefully nothing goes unexpectedly. Although sometimes the unexpected can be absolutely perfect and needed, so maybe i should hope for the perfectly unexpected to happen and hope that no accidents happen. I hope that maybe the boy of my dreams will give me a call and tell me that he feels the same way. Odds are that someone will have the perfect night and maybe a few people will have crappy nights but it is all for the cause of fun.
My goal for this month is to change my group of friends, not entirely of course but just the people i spend the majority of time with. I think that the reason i have been so down lately is because i no longer have the ability to relate to the people that i am with and therefore need new people to relate to. Also by expanding and altering my current circle i think that i will be able to alter myself to a happier me, i think that maybe if i do this then i will become less depressed, maybe, just maybe, this will allow me to be the person i need myself to be right now.
Maybe the thing that everyone needs today is a little Jesse McCartney, so turn him on, because although you don't want to admit it i am sure there is at least one of his songs that you find amusing if not enjoyable. I recommend right where you want me or just so you know, but that's just me. I think that all i need right now is a little Jesse and a bubble bath, mmm yeah that sounds just perfect.
So off i go to do whatever i need to do, your dare is to do the same. Recharge your batteries during this week because you'll need it for the weekend if yours looks anything like mine. Hope you all have a good one over the next few days, hopefully i get some more followers within the next couple months or this blog is a little pointless for anyone but me, anyway i should header now.

Thursday, March 4, 2010

Far longer then forever

Things happen for a reason, or so I'm told. I'm just wondering what the reason is for my back to be so injured. Is the goal to make my life even less bearable? In all honesty I know that things happen for a reason but when nothing is going right in my life it is hard for me to see the light.
In the future I hope that I don't have to bare this feeling. The feeling that at any time I might breakdown, or maybe just turn off. So far this year I have not had a good day, and I wish that that was an exaggeration but in all honesty it isn't. I would say that all I need is a guy to care for me, but I don't. That's the last thing that I need right now because I don't want to crush others with my problems. Today all I did was read, do missed homework and watch a movie, oh and spend a half hour trying to get down the stairs. A good day in the eyes of some, but to me unbearable. Sitting around doing nothing is the last thing that I want these days.
I think that watching The Swan Princess today was good because it allowed me to see happiness I used to feel when I was little. Plus I got to sing along which is always fabulously fun. I guess that cartoon movies from childhood are the best medicine sometimes but I don't know if it really helped me today unfortunately.
The dare for tomorrow, suck it up and pretend my happiness exists, for my non existant readers? Believe that life is good and people are good as well. My song request is anything classicly Disney or other popular cartoons, like the Hercules soundtrack or maybe Anastasia. Cartoon soundtracks contain happiness that only children can truely grasp and have on a regular day basis. So listen up because they'll make you feel immensely better!

Monday, March 1, 2010

Pretty Young Thing

Basically I am to the point where life is giving me nothing. I am nearly numb, nothing is left in me to give. I feel as though everything in my life is negative, but that shouldn't be the way it is. Today I got to gossip with a couple of my girls and that was wonderful, gossiping about boys is just so easy as a teenager. I still talk normally on the outside, make jokes when necessary. The idea is to act normal outside and not show anyone just how broken you are on the inside.
In reality life should be a gift received daily, but right now it seems like this burden. I get to dance and go to school and live in a safe home, what's wrong with me? Boys are so stressing me out right now, I mean I realize that they aren't worth my time but I think that they are wonderful. They have such a power over me and all other girls and women. It is so hard for me to resist guys when it comes to.... Well anything.
Now since i have decided not to mention names or anything I cannot really get into details but let me tell you, I have had my fair share of boy drama and unnecessary heartbreak. So since I don't really have anything more to discuss I will leave you with this.
I would tell you which song to listen to but I can't for the life of me remember what it is called, maybe you can find it? Good luck

"you came to me, full of pain.
Your guard was down, you felt ashamed.
Cry yourself to sleep to escape,
From that day, from all the pain"

if you figure out what it's called I will give you a cyber high five.

Tuesday, February 23, 2010

Close your eyes

It still amazes me when someone sits down next to me and asks me how my day is and is genuinely interested in what i have to say. To be honest i thought that it was gone from the world. Today i found out that some people really do care and although they are diamonds in the rough they do exist... I found someone like that, today. He is genuinely interested in what i have to say and who i am, and although we don't know each other well i know that we will continue to talk because someone who cares is impossible to shake. So although compassion may be fading from the world i know now that it isn't gone. People still have the ability to feel and care about others. Going to high school day in and out sort of changes who you are, through growing up and maturing, but also through your outlook on people. The world sort of seems to turn grey and everything becomes auto pilot. Go to class, eat lunch, go to class, eat supper go to dance, come home, sleep and repeat. There are few people who seem to have the ability to bring me out of auto pilot but i think that he does. Now don't get the wrong idea or anything, it isn't as if i want this boy as anything more than a friend, for now. I just wish that more people took the time to see through all the bullshit life brings and try to always be positive. I used to be that way but time has brought me to a place where i am always home, alone. I suppose that isn't so bad because at least i have a home, but it also causes me to analyze people around me. I've come to realize that there are so many people around me that are two-faced and fake. How can i become a better person and adult if the people around me are all fake? How will i truly trust in anyone? I can't tell you the answers but i do know that i will try from now on to find people who are real. This will be quite the challenge but by doing this i think that i will be able to broaden my friends and find people who see things the way i do. People who see through the bull and fake, and see who people truly are. Maybe, just maybe, that will lead me to a group of wonderful and pure people who have nothing bad to say about anyone, because there's no need to.

Sunday, February 21, 2010

When the day is long

So here us another day in the life of an ordinary teenager, with this back injury I am totally useless. Honestly if I could skip dance today and Monday I would because really there is no point. I just want to get better from this instead of the same day in and day out. Guess this is the life I chose when I started dancing, injuries and no social life. I miss the days when going to school and dance was so easy and everything was as it should've been.
It hasn't been that way since fifth grade for me, wham everything changed. My dad left my mom high and dry and didn't come back to see his three kids (me included) until almost a year later. It was just the four of us then he came back and complicated everything and left my mom into further debt that she had almost paid off... $100 000 by my count. Then my brother moved to Australia and my sister to the north and then there were two. Just my mom and I against the world.... Then she started dating, after all these years of not dating at all she just started up again.
I don't blame her for wanting a life because believe me she's gone on long enough without one. I just wish that she had eased into it instead of all of a sudden being gone any chance she got. I love my mom but sometimes her priorities are a tad skewed.
I don't even remember the last time my mom and I went a whole week without arguing about something, whether that be my slipping grades or how shitty her life is. On top of that junk I have to worry about my grandpa and great grandma, they are both in the hospital and I know that he and I were close as are she and I, so life without them just doesn't exist to me. Obviously the idea has entered my mind but it's never more then I moment and it scares me to think that my 75 year old grandpa could die or even my 92 year old great grandma... I know that I'm nearly a legal adult and everything but I also know that death is something that everyone has a hard time dealing with.
So between my withering relatives, severly injured back, mother who doesn't understand her priorities and siblings/father who I never see I guess you could say I have a few things to think about. On top of those things I have the usual teenage problems: boys, books and hormones. A wonderful combo for chaos. Only about 46 days until real chaos enters my life though. With competition and dance central at school coming then. During the month of April it seems like I'm busy absolutely non stop I don't know how I am going to live to be real with you. And though you may find that I am boring you with my complaining you may also believe that I could help you see the silver lining in your own life. That's what I do everyday.
Here's your daily song request: Chaotic by Britney Spears. It is upbeat and right now my life feels a little bit chaotic so I guess it fits there. Once in a while we all need a break to just dance to an upbeat song that doesn't need to be read on a deeper level. Sometimes mindnumbing singing is the best medicine for a sore back or a sore heart. Either way, you know you want to listen and sing along, don't you?

Saturday, February 20, 2010

So here it goes again

Here i sit once again at home, on another saturday night, so maybe i should be used to this kind of thing. Or maybe it just happens to be sad that again i sit at home when my mom has a social calendar... either way you could say that life isn't exactly all it is cracked up to be. I might not be in poverty, or be in an abusive home which would probably explain the new interest in blogging. My life is just simply... boring.
I have the same dilemmas all teenage girls face, whether we be 14 or 17, we all have to deal with them. But here's the deal the blog is called just listen for a reason. That reason is that some people just need to sit down and listen to what they are complaining about and decide whether no date for saturday night is a tragedy or really not so bad.
Like the fact that my brother is in Australia and is practically starving, is that worth my worries? I believe that it deserves my attention, i miss him like crazy and i think that when he gets back i will appreciate him as i always should have. It feels the same when my sister is at her house in the northern part of the city, she can't come over and just hang out with me. She may be 7 years older but i miss her like crazy... so i dance to make myself feel her dancing next to me. As odd as that sounds it works, but right now dancing is out of the question.... damn back injuries.
Anyways, this might end up being a mild music blog, like so many others are.
So here's your day one song request, That Year by Brandi Carlile. It is a feel good song with lyrics that are just so wonderful and they make me feel good, and i don't know how they will make you feel but i love it. Thank goodness for music or my life would be unbearable. It's bad when my representation for friends is a yearbook because they are ever changing and almost none are constant.
So here is your dare, live tomorrow exactly how you want to live it, with someone you love or maybe playing video games with your brother. Whatever you want to do tomorrow, make it happen, because if you don't try to make it happen you will never know what it could have been if you had.