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Sunday, February 21, 2010

When the day is long

So here us another day in the life of an ordinary teenager, with this back injury I am totally useless. Honestly if I could skip dance today and Monday I would because really there is no point. I just want to get better from this instead of the same day in and day out. Guess this is the life I chose when I started dancing, injuries and no social life. I miss the days when going to school and dance was so easy and everything was as it should've been.
It hasn't been that way since fifth grade for me, wham everything changed. My dad left my mom high and dry and didn't come back to see his three kids (me included) until almost a year later. It was just the four of us then he came back and complicated everything and left my mom into further debt that she had almost paid off... $100 000 by my count. Then my brother moved to Australia and my sister to the north and then there were two. Just my mom and I against the world.... Then she started dating, after all these years of not dating at all she just started up again.
I don't blame her for wanting a life because believe me she's gone on long enough without one. I just wish that she had eased into it instead of all of a sudden being gone any chance she got. I love my mom but sometimes her priorities are a tad skewed.
I don't even remember the last time my mom and I went a whole week without arguing about something, whether that be my slipping grades or how shitty her life is. On top of that junk I have to worry about my grandpa and great grandma, they are both in the hospital and I know that he and I were close as are she and I, so life without them just doesn't exist to me. Obviously the idea has entered my mind but it's never more then I moment and it scares me to think that my 75 year old grandpa could die or even my 92 year old great grandma... I know that I'm nearly a legal adult and everything but I also know that death is something that everyone has a hard time dealing with.
So between my withering relatives, severly injured back, mother who doesn't understand her priorities and siblings/father who I never see I guess you could say I have a few things to think about. On top of those things I have the usual teenage problems: boys, books and hormones. A wonderful combo for chaos. Only about 46 days until real chaos enters my life though. With competition and dance central at school coming then. During the month of April it seems like I'm busy absolutely non stop I don't know how I am going to live to be real with you. And though you may find that I am boring you with my complaining you may also believe that I could help you see the silver lining in your own life. That's what I do everyday.
Here's your daily song request: Chaotic by Britney Spears. It is upbeat and right now my life feels a little bit chaotic so I guess it fits there. Once in a while we all need a break to just dance to an upbeat song that doesn't need to be read on a deeper level. Sometimes mindnumbing singing is the best medicine for a sore back or a sore heart. Either way, you know you want to listen and sing along, don't you?

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